The Jen Before Christmas

Copyright ©2000 Simon Lamont (with apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the den
Not a creature was stirring, not even a Jen;
The stockings were hung by the freezer with care,
In hopes that some ice cream soon would be there;

Jennifer was nestled all snug in her bed,
Plaid sheets pulled up tight to her head;
And Kitty on her cushion, her breath slow and deep
Both settled down for a long winter's sleep,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Jen sprang from her bed to see what was the matter,
Her phone in her hand to call the police,
To arrest the miscreant for disturbing the peace.

The lights from the street to her garden of snow
Gave the lustre of noon to all objects below,
When, what to her sleepful eyes should appear
But her number one fan, the silly old dear.

With a shiny red suit, and a hat with a bobble,
He'd walked up the drive, but tripped on the cobble.
A stream of expletives had flown from his lips,
As he sat on the paving, rubbing bruised hips.

Jen watched him arise, and fetch a long ladder,
"He's crazy," she thought, "and this just gets madder."
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
He quickly climbed up; she thought he might fall!

Then a loud thumping she heard at the eaves,
And down fell a flurry of brown withered leaves.
A noise at the chimney, poor Kitty took fright,
Leaped from her pillow, oh what a sight!

Jen leaped into bed, and pretended to sleep,
Trying not to laugh, but only to peep,
As her fan crawled out from the dark and cold fire,
A layer of black soot covering his bright red attire.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! His contacts were in!
His cheeks were all sooty, but on his mouth was a grin.
He tried not to sneeze, with soot up his nose,
"What on earth is he doing," thought Jen, "Who knows?"

He spoke not a word, but pulled a bag from the fire
Jen lay all the quieter, his work to admire,
But as he pulled from his sack shiny gift after gift
Her curiousity and wonder caused her bedding to shift.

He noticed the movement, and looked up with a start,
His bright sparkling eyes to her face they did dart.
"You're awake, my dear?", his voice was so low,
Jen laughed "What's all this? I'm dying to know!"

A little while later, opened gifts strewn about
Jen told him she loved him, that she had no doubt.
She finished the ice cream that her fan had provided,
Then it was time he went home, they both decided.

He walked to his car, the alarm it did beep,
And away he roared, in his bright red little Jeep.
But Jen heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT."


The Jencyclopaedia is copyright ©1996-present Simon Lamont.